On Writing

I have never considered myself a writer. Instead, I've happily been a reader, consuming text like breakfast cereal. Heck, I've consumed the text on the box of breakfast cereal (which seems to have declined in quality in recent years--maybe I need to just try a different cereal). In short, I read. I'm drawn to words. I love the feel of books and paper.

But I read, like a good little academic, with a pencil in hand. Were my bank account healthier, I would purchase books instead of borrowing them from the library. I like to mark them up, to write on and in them, to underscore and sidebar spar.

I realized today that it's easier to read. Reading is, for me, the easy way out. It's perpetual stalling. I find myself intrigued by some new idea or concept and I read--a lot. Sometimes I take notes.

I went to a panel discussion today; we had a group of poets on campus for a symposium, and at one point they were asked about the personal nature of their writing. The moderator wanted to know if they had suffered any grief from their families for exposing the soft underbellies of family life. The poets were clearly not biting and focused on the two things that allowed them to explore their family lives in their poetry: the unconditional love of family and the respect they felt for their families in spite of whatever dirty laundry got aired in the poetry.

I don't write about my life, my family, my history, and in that moment I wanted to tell some stories. One of the poets talked about her writing as emanating from a drive to understand herself by understanding this stew she'd been brought up in. I dug that.

No, I'm not building up to some grand manifesto where I reveal my plan to turn my blog into some cavalcade of family shame, nor do I intend to sharpen my quill, dip it in ink, and start penning the Great American Novel. How trite that would be.

I just realized today that I don't write, not in the way that woman writes, and not in the way that I apparently think I ought to write. I am lazy. I prefer the easier task of reading; writing demands work.